Weddings: The Importance of Etiquette.

   
                                                       

Weddings. I'm not so fond of them. Perhaps its all  the greeting that has to be done, or maybe its the high level of interaction required.. I would rather avoid interaction with other people, since . I'm kind of awkawrd around people  I've just met. Predictably,  have a certain distaste for weddings and in fact most social gatherings.
     I recently attended one with my mother, who is vivacious, has an outgoing personality, and predictably has a fondness for all things socializing.
    We met our hosts at a predetermined  place and after waiting an eternity for the ladies to put on their makeup, we embarked on a very long journey from Egbeda to Ajah, which took about two and a half hours. The company I was traveling with, was to a large extent, the main reason the journey took so long. It was comprised of women in their fifties, who unfortunately did not enjoy speeding as the rest of the males on board. It was amusing how frequently the driver was urged to slow down with every attempt he made to keep up with our hosts who were leading us to the venue.
      We arrived at the venue, and I helped carry some things that needed to be carried. While it seemed like the sensible thing to do.given the circumstances, you have to understand that I'm introverted and I've had little experience functioning in societal settings, and so I know very little about unspoken rules and I acted largely by instinct. As you may realize, I was tense, hoping I wouldn't leave a bad impression. It seemed my conduct was flawless as I  received no negative feedback after the charade I maintained.
   The church was a contemporary style church -I'm of course referring to their style of music. The choir was upbeat and was (oddly),  made up of female vocalists only. We were served with good music, after which an uninspiring sermon was preached by some lady. I'm not sure, but somewhere along the line I  must have dozed off.

   Afterward, the couple along with their parents went to sign their marriage certificate. The dance session which followed was so much fun! The ladies were surprisingly energetic and enthusiastic.  Backed up by a very proficient band of instrumentalists, the congregation caught their enthusiasm and responded enthusiastically as well. After all, was said and done, the service was rounded off, and we and quickly made our way to the reception, where we were met by the sight of a well-decorated hall, which had colorful lights, and tables bedecked with flowers (though they were artificial). The  decoration was indeed splendid!

     But  much to my chagrin, I was ushered to a table full of old people.I wasn’t given a chance to connect, maybe with a beautiful damsel, and sweep her off her  feet. Coupled with all of  that, a very insensitive sound engineer, who probably didn't know his job well, turned up the bass in the mix to the maximum. My heart literally thumped with every beat of the bass drum. It was so excruciating, it left me partly deaf for a while.
   Then came the food! The most exciting part of the event. I was hesitant. Those who know me, know that I'm something of a speed demon when it comes to food. I prayed silently. Waiters came and took our orders. My order was jollof rice and Moin Moin  (which is basically steamed bean pudding), and a piece of chicken. When the food came (our table was set in a  more  formal style with forks and knives), I was perplexed because I've  had no experience  eating with a 'ferk'  and a knife. But thankfully I vaguely remembered some etiquette classes where we were taught to hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in te right hand. The consumption of the rice and the Moin Moin went well. I  mean. But the chicken was an entirely different story. It just wouldn't come apart. I tried the knife first in my left hand, then in  my right hand. It was fruitless. I looked like a primitive caveman as  I hacked at the meat. After many attempts, the chicken finally came to pieces.
   The two helpings of rice I was served were hopelessly inadequate given my huge appetite, And I was so desperate to maintain a good impression that  I didn't play Oliver Twist, and I suffered in silence until an angel came to my rescue. Apparently, there was another serving of assorted meats to be served that I wasn't aware of. I could barely conceal my delight.
    After enduring a very dry MC, and all the traditions of dancing and cutting the cake, it all a came to an abrupt end,as our host made a beeline for the nearest exit, In an attempt to avoid traffic. Though we left as early as we could, the traffic was determined to keep our company. This time, we spent about four hours in traffic. It was horrible.
    Weddings... Ironically I would have to wed someday when an amazing damsel comes along and takes away all the common-sense that I have. However, I did get a fresh perspective on  a few things. Did you know that the marriage certificate is not supposed to be laminated or folded, but rather rolled up and tied with a string? I previously had no idea. Indeed I have to get better at socializing and recognizing those subtle but profound unspoken rules that govern behavior in society. My only regret though was not getting to consume that serving of assorted meats in a manner that satisfied me.